This post contains affiliate links. If you decide to purchase from one of the links below, I'll receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!
(Note: This article is a part of our 31-day series, “31 Days to a Whole Body Makeover“.)
Do you remember several years back a book came out all about the laws of attraction? It was called The Secret (disclaimer: I never read it) and it was fiercely popular, but at the same time, it was polarizing. On one end, countless people benefited so much by the philosophy that if you can imagine it, you can achieve it. Others were very critical of this book because they felt it was too “woo woo” and out there. I once heard someone say about it, “You can’t just imagine a new bike and then run to your garage and have it magically appear!” And that’s true, too!
Here’s the thing.
My fear in writing this article was that everyone would be like, “Oh great. Here we go with The Secret…. again!”
But the laws of attraction are not just a feel-good distraction that made for excellent fodder on Oprah.
It is something that has been studied extensively by researchers in the field of psychology. It has been proven time and time again that YOU are who you decide to be. It is a choice. What you accomplish in your life is up to you. Even in the most dire circumstances, how you handle it is always still within your hands.
I am very passionate about the laws of attraction because I know that in my own life, I could SO EASILY have gone down a dark and dreary path. I had ample opportunity to do so, but I aspired for better and I have the things I most wanted in my life: To be a stay at home mother to two awesome sons, to have an incredibly supporting and loving husband, and the means to have all of our needs met. I have a great support system and network, and a deep faith in my religion. All these things are the things I dreamed of having as a struggling young single adult, and I made the conscious decision to make it happen for myself. I am here right now, writing on this website, because of the vision I had for myself, and the choices I made to get here.
So these “laws” are not from the aforementioned book, these are the laws I built into my own life, because they work.
All that we are is a result of what we have thought.
Law of Attraction 1: Focus on the Right Things
Fact: What you focus on expands.
There is a theory called the Ironic Process Theory–otherwise known as the “White Polar Bear Theory”–that explains the very thing people don’t want to think about are the things they can’t help but think about. In the case of Dr. Wegner who ran years of studies on this theory, he says that if you tell people not to think about a white polar bear, the thing they can’t stop visualizing is the dumb white polar bear!
What is your white polar bear? The stressful things you don’t want to think about, but you do anyway?
Fat? Ugly? In debt? Stressed? Rejected?
The problem with your white polar bear is that it keeps you from moving forward!
The solution to this is to focus on what you want.
Instead of saying, “I’m fat. I’m ugly. I’m up to my eyeballs in debt. I’m stressed. I was dumped; no one loves me,” say the things you want to envision for yourself: “I want good health. I want confidence. I want affluence. I want peace of mind. I want love.” You deserve those things, and the more you envision it, the more you believe it.
Every time you find your white polar bear pop up, you need to immediately shut him down by switching to what it is you want to achieve and VISUALIZE how it will look, feel, taste. Only then can you start to work towards that goal!
Action goal: Write those affirmations down every day and that is what you will attract in your life.
What you think is what you attract. Remember that.
Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive, because your words become your behaviors.
Keep your behaviors positive, because your behaviors become your habits.
Keep your habits positive, because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny.
Law of Attraction 2: Stop Playing the Comparison Game
There are two types of comparison, one healthy, and one unhealthy. It’s totally healthy (and encouraged) to look for someone to aspire to. You might find someone who has accomplished what you want and realize that you can do it too, and you let them be a good example of HOW.
But the unhealthy type of comparison is when you look at someone who has what you want, and your inner voice becomes a source of constant negativity, always telling yourself you’re not good enough, and always places doubt.
It’s a fact of life that there is always going to be someone better than you. Someone is always going to be better looking than you, have more money than you, have better material goods than you, be a better mom than you… the list goes on.
But it is important not to get hung up on someone else’s success.
Suppose you were to envy someone with super low body fat, or someone who is super famous.
The problem is, you don’t know what it took for that person to get to that point, and if you did know, you probably wouldn’t want to have to do what it took! In the case of fitness, do you really want to be at the gym working out 4 hours a day and giving up on your favorite food? I know I don’t!
On the other hand, suppose now that you DO want to put in that kind of work and sacrifice. You have to realize that the person who has already accomplished what you want had to start somewhere! They were once a beginner, too.
The biggest favor you can do for yourself to get to where they are is to do it in a way that is true to YOU. Let your admiration of them teach you things about your own strengths and weaknesses. Don’t emulate everything they do, because you don’t want to limit yourself by what that person has accomplished! Don’t place a cap on your potential success! Brainstorm ways to do it YOUR way because you just might surprise yourself and exceed all expectation. You’ll look at the other person you once emulated and think, “Oh, hey, I figured out a better way, and I am way more happy with my way.”
Action goal: Find your strengths, because I guarantee the person you emulate does not possess your set of skills, talents, and strengths!
If you do not know your strengths, then I highly recommend reading StrengthsFinder 2.0 (affiliate link) by Tom Rath.
Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
Law of Attraction 3: Break Down Large Goals Into Achievable Goals
First, think in the long term for your goals. I can say I want to lose 20 pounds, but after that happens, then what? That was my short-term goal, and I met it, so now what do I do? Go back to my old way of eating? I hope not!
Instead my long-term goal is to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and I envision what that means exactly: To be in the habit of choosing real, whole foods, have an exercise program I love and enjoy doing, getting the right amount of sleep, and effectively managing my stress levels.
Now, these are all pretty big things to overcome! That is why it is important to take those big goals and break them down into small steps and then start on step one.
A brick house is built one brick at a time. On its own, a brick doesn’t seem like much, but by patiently adding one brick at a time, one on top of the other, before we know it, we have our brick house. But if you can’t get over the smallness of the brick thinking it will never be a home, then in the time it would have taken to build the house, you would still be there, just one single brick. Don’t make the choice to not stack another brick!!
Action goal: Write down your long-term goal, then write down the small steps it will take to get there and start crossing them off.
Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny.
-David O. McKay
Law of Attraction 4: You Need People. The RIGHT People.
People need people, especially when it comes to attracting the things we want in our lives. We need our networks to get the things we need, and our networks need from us our talents and strengths to get what they need. Networks thrive on reciprocity!
Mentors – Mentors are a great help in guiding you in the direction you want to go. Perhaps the person you want to emulate most can be a great mentor to you and help you learn the proper channels to achieve your goals. They can introduce you to the right people, help you get you the education you need, and they can make sure you are investing your time and efforts wisely! Mentors will help you learn from their mistakes, saving you the heartache and hassle.
Peers – Being in communication with coworkers and others in your field help you find those who can relate to your challenges, and together you can problem-solve your way out of your difficulties. They offer a unique perspective because of their own upbringing and experience of the world that you may never have otherwise had the privilege of knowing.
Family and Friends – Having accountability with your family and friends is a source of mega potential for growth! Having them check in on you to see your progress is a great motivator! And if you’re slipping, they can guide you back on course.
Therapist – Sometimes you really do need someone on the outside of your circumstances with zero attachment to anyone or anything you deal with, in a zone of complete non-judgment. Just being able to talk your problems out can bring up so many solutions you wouldn’t otherwise find! With their educational and experience background, therapists can offer you tools that no one else has the ability to.
So seek to build relationships, and make sure they are the right ones. Seek positive people who are going to buoy you up!
Action goal: If you are lacking good relationships, there are many wonderful ways to make new friends. Some that I recommend are to seek friends at church, seek local friends who share your common interests at MeetUp, or you can find people online to whom you really relate on your favorite social media. To access those people, start leaving sincere comments on their posts, nothing spammy, just from the heart. Believe me, they’ll notice.
Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.
Put these Laws of Attraction into practice and you will be amazed at how quickly life can turn around and opportunities are opened up to you!
What did I forget? Is there anything that helped you change your life around? Please tell me in the comments below!